Jaimers Todd: Momma guilt..it sucks..

Again it has been awhile since I have written on here. I've been forgetting about it and have gotten kinda busy. School is out and that means that I am back to being a full time stay at home momma. Which I love, especially since once she starts school again time is just gonna fly by. But earlier this week she as a turd! Lying about the littlest things and not listening at all, and of course it leaves me feeling like I have been yelling and repeating myself all day long when at the start of the day I had great plans. Hence mommy guilt. It sucks. Plus I finally got my puppy! He is really cute, we drove down to the Lincoln Humane society to get him, they said he is a bluetick coonhound mix. We are pretty sure he is mixed with black lab because that is what he looks like. His name is tremonti, after josh's idol Mark Tremonti. He is actually pretty good pups so far, but like any new baby or puppy things have been a little more stressful and less sleep. He gets along well with our chloe pupper too. All in all things are going good though. On a more serious note.... My grandpa has had COPD for a long time now and is in the end stages, he is in hospice at home and it had been kind of an up and down experience. He will be doing fine and than wham! he isn't doing so great and we are deciding when to go up or if we should go up, because he could stabilize again. And so far that is the pattern, but his body is really starting to shut down more and more now. He sleeps more, eats less, and remembers less too due to the lack of oxygen. My dilema is when to go see him. I am worried about my mom, anytime anything happens she rushes up there, just in case it is the last time, and I know that one of these times it will be and she is going to be so hurt. My grandma has been by his side through literally thick and thin, married for 50+ years! What will she do when he is gone, I worry for her too. So I mostly worry for them. Every time lately when the phone rings I am afraid it will be my mom on the phone, and I always listen for what her voice sounds like, if she is crying or not. My job will be to take care of her, she is the one losing her dad. I will be sad and I am already, but I am more worried about my mom. Knowing this is coming has made me appreciate my own father a lot more. Every time he goes to leave from coming down to visit with us, I almost don't want him to go, because one day I won't have my dad anymore. So I think we are going to try to go see my grandpa in a couple of weeks. It's going to be hard, I just hope he can make it that long. But I know that if I don't get up there in time to see him before he passes that he knows that I love him and I know he loves me so I will be okay with it.