For my nuggey

It’s been a few years since we have gotten the all clear, there is no sign of cancer. Cancer was so unexpected for us at the age of 24 when my husband was first diagnosed with Nodular Lymphocyte Predominate Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He went through 6 weeks of radiation and was sicker than a dog and very very skinny. After treatment life resumed, normalcy began and we bought a house for our family of three. Moving weekend he found a lump, we knew right away what it was, there was no question less than a year later. Back to tests, waiting, surgery, waiting, second opinion, and more waiting. Waiting is torture; we both still absolutely hate the waiting process to find out what your fate will be. Six months of ABVD-R chemotherapy and then check back in to see if it worked. We were told that if it comes back again a bone marrow transplant would be the next step. It all seemed so fast and unbelievable, here we were a young couple with a beautiful daughter. All our friends were married, getting married, and enjoying a "care-free" life and here we had cancer back for a second round. We had so much support though and we will never forget who came to treatments, called, emailed, and offered support. Cancer was something I thought we would deal with when we were older, not in our twenties. 

Anyway, the reason I am writing all of this is because I was watching NY Med and I saw a woman whose husband was being taken back for surgery because of a tumor on his spine that may have been cancerous and needed removed. We may have had different circumstances, but I have felt what she has felt. Watching the one you love being taken back and you can’t be with them. You can’t see for yourself that they are going to be okay. I remember when my husband was getting bone marrow biopsies done; I wanted to be with him. It would have probably made me throw up seeing him in pain, but I wanted to see him okay. I wanted to be with him every step of the way, even to this day when the doctors tell us that there is nothing on the scans I want to see the scans myself (obviously I haven’t gone that far) but I want to!

            Our relationship is stronger because cancer came into our lives, I don’t think he knows how much I admire him and how strong I think he is. Every 8 hrs. spent at the VA for chemo, then the long weeks back home waiting for the next round, while giving himself shots to boost his immune system showed his immense strength. So when I see his scars from where his port used to be and where they have taken lymph nodes from his body that were inflamed with cancer. I see battle scars on the man that I love; I see how we came together instead of pulling apart. I also got to witness how strong children can be, our daughter was 4 years old, going on 5 and she watched it all.  She went to treatments, watched as they took blood from his port, and watched him give himself shots; she was and is so strong. We talked openly about how it all made us feel. Looking back at pictures from that time, where he had no hair and his skin color was a little off, I see so much love between us all. We were a little unit pulling together and loving each other for the good days and the bad days. Do we worry it will come back, yes we do but we have learned a lesson that not everyone as young as us gets to learn. We have seen how quickly life can change, the obstacles it can put in your way and if you come together and truly love each other you will get through it coming out on the other side stronger, braver, and more courageous than ever. My husband truly is my hero and continues to amaze me just by being him. I love you nugget.

A cold fall evening was perfect for pictures

This past Saturday I spent a few hours with some friends I have know for about 10yrs. I was asked to take some family pictures and was really excited to do it! They turned out great! It was really fun and since they were my first family photo shoot I felt comfortable with them! I took so many pictures and I really tried to narrow down a preview for them but I still picked 23 pictures. Their grandchildren are so beautiful and our family has been close with their parents for years too. Shauni is pregnant with baby Ashton and we had great grandma there too! So now onto the pictures!!

 

As you see they were so much fun and the picture frame became quite popular!

My little noodle roo

Have you ever thought to yourself " I have the coolest kid ever!". Of course you have! I think it all the time and I have recently said to others that one reason we are not having another child is because we have an amazing child already and we couldn't get so lucky twice! I have recently been asked to do some photo's for friends of mine and my brother in law's senior photos. So needless to say my October is getting really busy, it is a good busy though. One that has my brain on a constant focus of photos. (my poor family) She is such a good sport that when I go scope out my locations for the different shoots she is my test subject for all of them and is happy to do it. Plus I get to capture some funny moments of her being a regular 6 year old child that I need to make more time for to just play with too. So I thought I would put a few photos of my little lovebug on here to show you how cool she is, if you already didn't know!

 

Every walk must start out with a good ole' walking stick.

 

She informed me this was the new phonogram ( I may have that wrong )

 they were working on at school.

 

She looks so small compared to this big tree.

 

This is her pretending to be an old person on crutches! Too funny.

Oh yes, and the Aflac duck is down her shirt.

 

She told me she wanted to take a nap on the sidewalk after

school.

 

If you can't tell already blue is her favorite color.

 

 

 

And she loves her cowgirl boots :)

 

Walking across the tiny waterfall.

 

My Lovebug!

I was watching Oprah again...

I really like to watch Oprah, I love that she talks about how to better you life and she really taps into being a better you. For some reason is speaks to me every time, and is that such a bad thing? No, I think not. Oprah's latest Life Lesson episode was a really good one. It was about women and how they treat one another. Gossip, Betrayal, lying, and competition. We all have either experienced it or have partaken in it. I know that you can not go a day without hearing some sort of gossip on someone. I have felt betrayal and I have definitely been lied to, who hasn't. And I must admit that I have felt the competition too, however I feel mine is more in a motivation way than anything. It has made me look at what I really want out of life and pushes me to go get it instead of finding something about that person and putting them down. Anyways, I liked this episode mostly because it got me thinking about all my experiences not only with women but with anyone who has entered my life or experience I may have had and what I have learned from them.

Now there are many experiences one can draw on and find what you have learned from them. I would choose becoming a mother, but to be honest I am learning new things all the time, mostly about how to slow down and enjoy her, time has gone to fast already.
 

 

Silly Monkey!

 

 

But some of my easier experience to show as an example are these ones:

 

1. Moving on from a relationship

 

It started out great as they all usually do, we were in love, yada yada, it was a young and insecure love that became and unhealthy relationship. Through the experience of removing myself from him I learned to grow up, gained self confidence, and my expectations changed. I choose to no longer put up with the bullshit that I have previously allowed myself to. What came of it? Well my husband and daughter. Not that our relationship has always been peachy, but through the years we have made it through some tough times including Cancer twice and hopefully no more!! That is experience in and of itself and would take another post to write about.  We made it through those times by telling each other the truth even if it hurt. Pushing one another to be the best of themselves and a lot of silliness and love, unconditional love. I remember making the conscious decision to walk away from that relationship, and it was hard and very painful but I remember feeling some relief and excitement at the thought that I could find myself a little more now, see what I was made of without him. And I did and I like who I have become. I don't look to my husband now for my own happiness he is a great additive to it, but he wants me to find it for myself.

 

2. Friendships

 

I grew up an only child therefore my friends have always been my family. With all of them having at least one sibling I am not sure they have felt the same drive that I used to have. And that was to feel like family to them too. I didn't do it intentionally, for one I am a people person I can get along with just about anyone and I will really try too. It also isn't something that I did consciously either. I never remember hanging out with my friends and thinking " I have to be there everything!" (muaw hahaha). The only way that I knew that I felt this way was when a close friend of mine became close friends with someone else. I started to feel that my friendship was not longer up to par for them and I wondered what I even brought to the table in a friendship. It really surprised me when I started to feel this way because I had never felt it before. So why now? Obviously I needed to learn something. Now however I do not feel this way. I learned that I should not seek the ultimate approval from anyone but myself. I know what I can bring to the table and just because they may be something to me, doesn't always mean that I am the same thing to them. Everyone has different needs from different people. I have many close friends all of whom I love for who they are and different reasons. I may be more vocal about how I feel about them being in my life sometimes but that doesn't me that I am not important to them. So when I express my thanks for them being in my life or telling a friend that I love them and when the say it back it's awesome! But even if they don't, no biggie at least they know that they are important to me. I am not going to stop being who I am and caring for someone else just because they do things differently.

 

So I guess what it's all about is being you. Be considerate of others and definitely understanding too. Live your best life and good things will come your way. Any experience that gets thrown your way look at it and say "what am I supposed to learn from this." And if you don't learn it the first time I'm sure it will be taught again! What you put out is what you will get.

 

Sorry for the long post, you can thank Oprah for that one! Goodnight :)

 

 

It's a big world out there, don't be afraid to take off and fly.





Asshole disease, nuf said..

Most of us should have heard the news that Robin Roberts from GMA has a blood disorder that has come about as a result of treatment for cancer. Most of those who have been through treatment or have been closely related to it know that there are secondarey complications that can occur later down the road. This is one of those cases. It never ceases to amaze me how much pain I feel in my heart for those who are diagnosed with the big C or a family member supporting. Watching her try to speak the words to all of their viewers only brought about my own fear and reality. It can come back,you have no control especially when it is my husbands body. We have grown so comfortable being back to normal. I just dont want to go back. As we get closer to the next scan on my friends bday, July 2nd, I get more nervous. It is a gut feeling inside and I am scared. Hearing the words bone marrow transplant strikes something deep in my core. Its a fear I cant explain and I wish her and all those fighting this asshole of a disease the best wishes I could. Stay strong because those who go through this are the most beautiful and strong human beings. I am privaleged to be married to a survivor. He is my hero. I love you babe!!

A couple accomplishments

This week we have been some what busy. Monday started off with swim lessons for Malie at the Swimtastic school then we had lunch with my momma for her birthday that was last week. Tuesday Malie and I went to the zoo for a few hours and wed. I did some things around the house and then went to Stephanie's house to spend a little time with them. I believe it was Monday though that Malie had a huge accomplishment and it was being able to ride her bike without training wheels! It didn't take her too long to get the point where she goes pretty fast and can make a turn on her own.

Then this morning the hubby came home at 7:30am and said "okay get up I have a surprise for you guys we are gonna go somewhere" so we got our butts up and found out we were going golfing with him that morning. Well, he was golfing, malie was a helper and I was a spectator and the photographer for the event. Malie was in heaven. She has been wanting to go for a long time now, needless to say it made her day!

After golfing I went to go get my hair done, since I have been really bored with it and so I decided to chop it like Malie's and color it. And I LOVE it. Usually I hate my hair short but I really like it so far.

this one shows the blonde a little more.

I think I will put a few pictures in here from last weekend when we went to the races with Stephanie and Charleigh and Malie was supper excited because she got to ride in a race car! I liked it more than I thought I would and I really like the feeling you get in your chest when they go by, it is kinda like being at a concert and you feel the bass in your chest.

We also had Josh's dad's 50th surprise birthday day party! He was surprised! Have a good weekend everyone!!