For my nuggey

It’s been a few years since we have gotten the all clear, there is no sign of cancer. Cancer was so unexpected for us at the age of 24 when my husband was first diagnosed with Nodular Lymphocyte Predominate Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He went through 6 weeks of radiation and was sicker than a dog and very very skinny. After treatment life resumed, normalcy began and we bought a house for our family of three. Moving weekend he found a lump, we knew right away what it was, there was no question less than a year later. Back to tests, waiting, surgery, waiting, second opinion, and more waiting. Waiting is torture; we both still absolutely hate the waiting process to find out what your fate will be. Six months of ABVD-R chemotherapy and then check back in to see if it worked. We were told that if it comes back again a bone marrow transplant would be the next step. It all seemed so fast and unbelievable, here we were a young couple with a beautiful daughter. All our friends were married, getting married, and enjoying a "care-free" life and here we had cancer back for a second round. We had so much support though and we will never forget who came to treatments, called, emailed, and offered support. Cancer was something I thought we would deal with when we were older, not in our twenties. 

Anyway, the reason I am writing all of this is because I was watching NY Med and I saw a woman whose husband was being taken back for surgery because of a tumor on his spine that may have been cancerous and needed removed. We may have had different circumstances, but I have felt what she has felt. Watching the one you love being taken back and you can’t be with them. You can’t see for yourself that they are going to be okay. I remember when my husband was getting bone marrow biopsies done; I wanted to be with him. It would have probably made me throw up seeing him in pain, but I wanted to see him okay. I wanted to be with him every step of the way, even to this day when the doctors tell us that there is nothing on the scans I want to see the scans myself (obviously I haven’t gone that far) but I want to!

            Our relationship is stronger because cancer came into our lives, I don’t think he knows how much I admire him and how strong I think he is. Every 8 hrs. spent at the VA for chemo, then the long weeks back home waiting for the next round, while giving himself shots to boost his immune system showed his immense strength. So when I see his scars from where his port used to be and where they have taken lymph nodes from his body that were inflamed with cancer. I see battle scars on the man that I love; I see how we came together instead of pulling apart. I also got to witness how strong children can be, our daughter was 4 years old, going on 5 and she watched it all.  She went to treatments, watched as they took blood from his port, and watched him give himself shots; she was and is so strong. We talked openly about how it all made us feel. Looking back at pictures from that time, where he had no hair and his skin color was a little off, I see so much love between us all. We were a little unit pulling together and loving each other for the good days and the bad days. Do we worry it will come back, yes we do but we have learned a lesson that not everyone as young as us gets to learn. We have seen how quickly life can change, the obstacles it can put in your way and if you come together and truly love each other you will get through it coming out on the other side stronger, braver, and more courageous than ever. My husband truly is my hero and continues to amaze me just by being him. I love you nugget.