Strong women!!!

I know that I have really strong people around me such as my husband and my bestie Ashley. People I have always known were strong and can get through anything, but it is amazing to see it. One of my best friends for about about 15 years had her very first baby. A baby boy and it was a hard labor and she pushed for about 5 1/2 hours not to mention being induced the day before. Beckett made his arrival though and is so adorable. He was in the NICU because of fluid in his lungs and seeing the strength of an exhausted and sore mother walking down to see him and spend as much time with him as possible is beautiful. Being in the room and watching her move to be by his side at all times made me proud. I am older than Erin my best friend by 5 days, not much but I got married first and had a child first and so when you see your friends starting to do these things its pretty cool, and I had to fight back the tears. I was so proud of her, not that I ever had a thought of her being a bad mom, she has always been great with kids. She was there for me in a time that was really hard for me when my parents divorced. Her family became like my family and I loved going to their house.I loved being around her because we were so silly and we probably drove her parents crazy.  So this same girl who helped me out by being a really great friend has grown into a wife and now a mom. I hope she knows I will always be there for her just the way she was for me, and I haven't forgotten that. I may have lost my way and we may have lost a bit of a connection but I know I could count on her. I'm grateful to have strong people around me.

My other best friend who is like a sister to me lives in Texas and her husband is getting ready to go on his fourth deployment. She has two kids and is basically on her own when he is gone. She is one person who I can to talk no matter what time of day or what is going on at the time and I know I am not bothering her and she is just as happy to talk and when we get to, spend time with me too. It really sucks to have someone that you are that close to,  living so far away, I can't just stop over and see her. It's about twice a year we see each other. I think she is another really strong person, very strong minded and strong willed. I have watched her go through each deployment and I have seen how difficult it is especially being away from your family and friends. Making new friends is hard to do when you are older and it's hard to trust new people. Distance between has never weakened our friendship.

So today I am just thankful and grateful for these people! that is all for today. Thanks for listening, whoever is listening to my emotional blabber.

 Thought I'd put a dumb picture of myself to lighten up this post a bit!

Back to work I go!

On my last entry I wrote about applying for a job again for the first time in about 4 years and it was a little nerve racking! Well the interview went great and now I am a sub para educator for the head start and elementary. The day after my interview I was recruited to work already, and it was in Malie's classroom. She did great having me in there and it was really nice to be back to work again and making some money! Although I am a little more tired I noticed but it's worth it. Also when I came home from work today, my awesome husband had done the cleaning and the laundry for me!! Tomorrow should be a good day were gonna go to the Children's Museum and one of my best friends is getting induced to have her first baby!! I feel like my days just keep getting busier. Saturday is wedding dress shopping for my sister in law and maybe if baby dunaway is here we can go see him!

Things have definitely been going really good this past week and I feel it is because of deciding to really focus on what I want in my life and the kind of people I want in my life. I am lucky to say I have some really great people in my life and I want to keep building quality relationships with them. So this week has been good, except today my mom came home to find their puppy Cocoa missing and someone may have taken him. So let's hope that we find him!!!

The little things

Tonight I think this will be a short one. It's funny.. the little things we take for granted with our spouse or significant other, but this has happened twice now. I will look at a picture, like the one at the top of the blog, of the three of us and Josh with all his hair...and I just really miss his hair. I miss running my fingers through it and especially his beard. It had red hair in it and I loved to scratch it when he grew it out. I miss it sooo much, it's kinda a funny thing to miss. I can't wait till he is better and I know he can't either! I hate seeing him not feeling good and tired and know that there is not much I can do to make it better. I know he just wants to be normal and feel normal and I do too. It will come back soon, but I can't help but miss it now.

Inspiration, Inspiration, Inspiration!!!

There is only one magazine that I subscribe to and it is the Oprah magazine and the reason for it is... that there is REAL reading material in there that is thought provoking. It is not like Cosmo with the same information about how to WoW your man in the sack! Every time I read it I feel inspired. I love feeling inspired and I could almost become addicted to that feeling. Documentaries also can create this same effect for me, and leave me feeling inspired and ready to go do something to put my mark in my little world. I've decided I'm going to make a vision board with all the things that inspire me and goals I want to achieve and place it in our room for me to see everyday. I feel I need this extra motivation lately to keep me on track. I have put in my first application for a job in about 3 years and it was a bit nerve racking. I feel so out of the loop! But it will be really nice to feel like I am contributing in more than one way again and relieve a little stress from the hubby. So all in all I feel I am moving in the right direction especially if I continue to receive my monthly Oprah magazine at least I will be inspired once a month!

Tomorrow is another treatment day and it is a day that he has Rituxan with his usual ABVD, it is always a long day. We get there about 8:30 am and sit around sometimes until about 12:00 pm when his med's finally make it up to him. And food at the VA is horrible!!! Lets just say Job Security. But all of the people who work on the 7th floor with oncology are great and ready to help in any way. So lunch is a bust there and luckily my sister in law usually comes and is willing to bring food with her, she's a saint! On days like tomorrow I will have to leave the VA and drive down and pick the little roo up from school and than back up to the VA to finish and we are usually home by the evening. Makes for a long day...He is half way done though and were ready to be done. He is so strong and amazing and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else who was more for me than him. He is truly my hero and would do anything for us and we would do the same. He is another thing that does inspire me too. I just hope that I can do the same for him, my daughter or anyone else.

Photography has really come to be my new hobby and I feel so happy and at peace when I am taking pictures. To some my pictures don't seem like much or maybe are not there style but I like them, I like the way the light hits in certain areas and I can not stop using the zoom on my camera! Even when I am not taking pictures I find myself seeing things that cause my mind to think about how I would photograph it and I am than wishing I had my camera on me! I may take a photography class just to learn a little more but I love it! So here are a few from this week. This may be a bit morbib as well but I like to go to the cemetary and take pictures there too, it's peaceful and it really can be pretty so the last two are from some that I took today there.

 Josh's baby!

Laundry Detergent and Household cleaners!!!

So yesterday I was all " Ho Hum I don't know what I want to do with my life, blah, blah, blah". I had myself a little meltdown and now Im better. I came to this revelation about feeling better by watching My Strange Addiction on TLC. On this show there are people who drink laundry detergent and eat household cleaners and I thought to myself "Hey! I don't have an addiction to laundry detergent, never even tasted it. Or household cleaners! Im feeling better about myself already!" But the main point is it could be worse and that I am where I should be, sure there are things to improve on. Isn't there always but at least I try. I try to be a better wife, mom, friend, daughter, photographer, oh and wistling ( I practice everyday and in 25 years it is still a work in progress!). Today is a good day and tomorrow will be too. Malie lately has been getting into the phase of lets come up with excuses to not fall asleep at night. The usual list is:

 I have to poop, my throat/neck hurts, my body hurts everywhere, Im hot. I see eyes on my ceiling.

This gets exhausting when Im trying to wind down, but it's funny too. One day she is going to be older and not even call out for me to come help her, so I should just relax and enjoy these times but Im tired!!

I've decided to take my new camera with me and just start taking pictures wherever I go. So yesterday I picked malie up from school and decided to do our own photo shoot around town and here are some pic's from our time out, thanks to the good weather.

 She said she could see the whole world from this little hill.

 Our playdo rainbow we made

We can take our ribbon down now, Lee is back home!!

Waking up

So lately I havn't been feeling myself. I feel like I have woken up and realized I am just not who I want to be. I have so many thoughts and idea's about who I am and what I want to do that I could easily talk myself into doing almost anything with my life. But then when it comes down to what I would need to do to get there, I back away and re-evalute if it's really what I want or where I should be. I mean Im 25 years old now. All my other friends know there place and they are there, why am I not? I'm a good mom I know this but I feel I could be better. I invision myself being better than what I am and find myself disappointed in myself when I don't live up to that expectation for the day. I have a healthy, beautiful, energetic, funny four year old and I just really want to be great for her. I also want to be a great wife. I know I am very supporting and I love him with all my heart. Sometimes I just don't see my value in myself, I feel I could do more than what I do. I guess I need to set some goals about how I can achieve my expectations. Maybe I'll have some for my next post.